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theblackbottomofawell

on seeing

[16.1.2018]

i've been struggling to find words. not just because there's so much to say, so much hangnail experience dragging the coat sleeves. but because i don't feel differently. i don't suppose i rightly am.

images. images rule now. tiny quadrangles, time capsules for a future to weep over. i've become aware of decay. of scars. of what was but isn't. this isn't something i'd thought over much before. i never had reason to care.

so i'm aware, as many are. it's not just @ the black bottom of a well drops the coin of existence. we aren't just nothing--predominantly meaningless specks on a speck in a vacuum of specks. it's far worse than nothing. we're a disappearing act. we're something that's gone

there's this apocryphal notion that first nation peoples believed photographs steal the soul. i can't attest to know if that's true--either claim. but somehow...

a child is made in likeness to it's family. genetics mandate it. in this way, a child is a type of image. an interpretation. a photograph that walks.

i see this picture of my mother. i have her nose, her cheeks, her smile. i worry often that i'm a thief. i don't deserve what i have, how could i? this woman, my mother, deserves it all.

perhaps it isn't stealing, but a gift. more soul morsels. like a finely spiced meal.

perhaps this is the gift. 

 

hipbone recooks in iron

potted broth widens

sheaves of an apple

 

cored (2 azaleas

she held @ the bus

like Ottoman coins

 

fragile table legs

only 1 survives

a Kodak

 

(cold living soup) 

that dares to call

 

itself

a name


  my mother in the 80s

my mother in the 80s

  me, photo: sandra singh photography 2018

me, photo: sandra singh photography 2018


recommended reading:

The Original of Laura, Nabokov

The Book of Disquiet, Pessoa

Collected Works, Niedecker